Grandma, Susan, Mom

Today we divided up her jewelry. It was such a sad thing. I never thought that was something we’d have to do and so soon. Grandma, Susan, mom should still have so much time to be here with us. It seems so unfair that she is being called away now. We will miss her dearly. I haven’t really taken the time to think about it much. It hurts too much to do so. So I haven’t really cried. I nearly did today though.

And now I am.

I am so grateful to have known her for so long. That Alan and I met so many years ago and that I was friends with her daughter Emma even before that and that our family sat behind her family in church when we moved into their ward. I feel lucky to have been in her life for so long. But at the same time I feel cheated and saddened that it is already time for her to go. I don’t want her to. We don’t want her to.

Only a couple of my kids will have known their Grandma Taber. I feel sad that they won’t have more years with her – to play with, to talk with, to learn from. To receive encouragement and advice and inspiration. Susan is a great teacher and has been a great influence in our lives. I have always loved her so much for being such a great and loving grandmother to our kids.

I am grateful that my children did have some years with her. I am happy that she is and will always be a very loving and dear grandma. Death doesn’t stop that. Feelings of love, comfort, inspiration and encouragement can still be passed through the veil. I really believe this. And I know that she will be there all along the way. I hope that we will be able to feel her when she is near.

My dear Gabby and even Samantha will have many fond memories and things to tell their younger siblings. I’m not sure what Katherine will remember but I know that she will remember some. Joseph will have to get to know grandma through the stories and journals and pictures that have been kept.

But they will all know that she is a wonderful, loving and very special woman. They will know how strong she is, how tough she can be, and how very much she loves to have her family near her and that family is the most important and best thing in life.

We love Susan very much and are so very sad at this time as we see the cancer take her away. But we also know how very real and true the gospel is and that she will be apart from us for just a short time. Even though it will feel like a very long time. We take comfort in knowing how very thin the veil is and that she will be able to watch over us in more ways than she has ever been able to before. We know that she will always be near and will still be a very big part of her grandchildren’s lives.

And I just want to tell her that I love her and will miss her. And that her grandkids adore her and will miss her. And that her son loves her very much too. I know that he will miss his Sunday phone calls home to mom. We look forward to seeing her again – healthy and strong and whole again.

Susan – we love you so!!